Sports wrap

Jump to menu

4 August 2003

I’m sure most Englishmen could do with a bit of cheering up after the events at Lord’s over the past few days, so let’s consign them to the dustbin. (Except Freddie Flintoff, that is.) I can’t even be bothered to write an entry about it.

Rather sneakily, Arsenal have signed two talented young defenders this summer for a total somewhere around three peanuts. Phillipe Senderos is a Swiss centre-back and Gael Clichy a left-back. In addition, we discover that Kolo Touré is a defender — he was down as such in last leason’s Fantasy Premier League, but played most of his matches in midfield. Crisis? What crisis?

Bolton are after ex-Milan legend (for his name, not his ability) Ibrahim Ba. We’ve already signed a right-winger in Giannakopolous, but hey, why not have two? The big news, though, is that we have Okocha and Laville, the two men that saved us last year.

You can set your calendar by it: the Old Firm want to join the Premiership. I realise this is just the media — mainly the Beeb, sad to say — trying to drum up a controversy. On Sport on 5 right now they’re saying that everyone’s been talking about it all day. Well, I keep well up-to-date with sports news, and I just dismissed it out hand.

Anyway. Some BBC business editor did a Garth Crooks-esque interview with Dermot Desmond, majority shareholder in Celtic Football Club. For those who don’t know, the ‘technique’ of Garth Crooks is based on three things:

  1. Never, ever, asking a tough question.
  2. Asking five questions in one two-minute long sentence, particularly when talking to David Beckham, who isn’t the brightest.
  3. Coming up with the big scoops, such as ‘I can confirm, Sven, you’re in the quarter-finals’ after we’d won our knock-out match.

When I say this interview was Crooks-esque, I’m talking about the first point. The interview did not get tough on Desmond: it was about as far from Paxman as you’re likely to get. Credit where it’s due, Desmond sounded persuasive. Apparently Charles Taylor sounds persuasive as well. So here’s why the Old Firm will not join the Premiership:

  1. We don’t want them. Not just the ‘vested interests’ of clubs like Bolton, the big clubs won’t want them to potentially take their European places. Most fans don’t want them — imagine someone travelling from Southampton to Glasgow (twice), Newcastle, and Middlesbrough in the course of a month or two.
  2. It won’t work. They can’t go straight into the Premiership, because either two extra teams go down or only one team comes up from Division One. Same for every division. Like Wimbledon Milton Keynes, they should start at the bottom. Say Dundee went on to win ten in a row in their absence. Would they then qualify?
  3. This would erode the UK’s unique position of being able to vote four times (I may be wrong) in FIFA…er…votes. There might even be talk of, horror of horrors, a British team. Do Scottish fans really want that? Do Welsh fans (we’d probably drag their side down at the moment)?
  4. We don’t need the money. They need the money. The Premiership is the most financially healthy league in Europe. Doutbless this is skewed by Man United, but even so, it’s not required.

The Springbok rugby team continue to be a disgrace to the sport. Not only are they not winning, they’re not even playing fair. On current form, anything other than an England vs New Zealand World Cup final — barring a return to form by France or Australia — will be a travesty. Both sides are so far ahead of the rest it’s not even funny.

British tennis is rubbish, blah blah blah, but Tim Henman beat Andy Roddick, then Fernando Gonzalez in the final to win his first title in 18 months. Stick that in your Mandy Moore and smoke it.